Ok I caved...I had cheese sitting in the fridge from last nights dinner it was a really good kind. Brie with goat cheese in the centre from Quebec. It was sitting in the fridge calling me. Hubby is upstairs sick with the flu,  I am not feeling great and my period is approaching and so yes I caved. I finished the cheese, yes I finished and I don't even feel gross or horrible. So it is gone and I am officially free of cheese. Won't bring any more into my house :)

Off to relax and look after hubby.



Oh Cheese how I love you. You are delicious and comforting and yet you are my enemy. I have been eating cheese for the past 24 hours with pretty much every meal. As a celiac (severe gluten intolerance) cheese is almost as bad as gluten, my tummy is bloated and unhappy but damn it tasted good!
So with 2011 approaching I say goodbye to my friend delicious tasty cheese and welcome in a happier less bloated tummy.



2011 is approaching fast. It is days away and I am looking forward to it. I loved 2010 it was a whirlwind of emotions and learning. I have learnt that my body is more stubborn than I thought, I have also learnt that I am much stronger and have more perseverance than I thought. So with this in mind I am approaching 2011 with ferociousness. It will be the year of ferocity. I will get what I want and I will not make apologies for my desires or needs. I will go forth and be healthy and happy and of course I will be a mother by the end of 2011!


Merry Christmas

Well my friends Christmas is here and I plan to enjoy it fully. I wanted to take the time to wish you all a Merry Christmas and to thank you for all of your support over this past year. I wish you all the best for this holiday season and may love and hope shine down on you all.

many hugs.


tip toe

I am tip toeing through life right now, trying to figure out where I want to be and what I want to be. So really this post is more for me than anyone to help me focus but feel free to read .

I have recently started seeing an osteopath and a naturopath/psychotherapist. They are wonderful, really wonderful. Both women specialize in working with women who deal with infertility. They both seem very hopeful and positive about the fact that my diagnosis is unexplained infertility, this gives them hope. In turn it gives me hope. Hope that with physical and psychotherapy intervention that maybe just maybe I will get pregnant sooner rather than later. The goal is to get my body back on track, to help me get as healthy as possible and to begin actively trying to get pregnant through natural means with these supports. If the time comes for us to move forward with IVF in late spring then they will help me through that to achieve pregnancy!

My homework from my naturotherapist (as I will call her) is to write on two different subjects.
1. my fears, expectations, ideas and thoughts on pregnancy and what that means to me as a woman and a wife.
2. sexuality and how it affects my well being and life. Part of this is because the second chakra is based on sexuality, creativity and if it is blocked a side effect is infertility.

I am hoping that by seeing my osteopath I will begin to have more energy and then in turn start exercising more. My vitality is low/slow so it is no wonder I always feel like I am dragging. As she said I am much to young to feel like I am dragging my butt around all the time. That is a sign that something is out of whack.

My class continues to be wonderful, they help me to love myself. They help me to feel special and I am forever grateful for that.

The holidays are here and I am excited. I love the holidays and am looking forward to five days of family fun. I love my family and the time I spend with them rejuvenates me.

Well that is it for now. I am sure there is much more where this has come from....

much love and hugs.


Saturday Night

It is a Saturday night and I am home with my Hubby. Pepper my classroom rabbit lives with us now. I take him to school  with me most days in his little pet escort. The teenagers adore him he snuggles with them and gives them lots to smile about. I love this little rabbit, since the loss of my Pudding cat he has help to fill a void and I am forever grateful for this little soul in my life.

It is only one week until the holidays and I am looking forward to the two weeks off. Time with family and home with my hubby. He is so important to me and I cannot explain how much our time together means to me. I am grateful for him and his love that he has chosen to give to me.

I love you John.


So funny I had to share.

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.


There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

                                                     (courtesy of google images)



i will be fine

If the day comes and I am not able to hold a baby in my arms I will be fine. I will cry and rant and beg and pray but I will be fine. I will hold my husband I will apologize to everyone close to me but I will be fine.
I will move forward with my life, I will travel and have lots of animals. Savour my time with my hubby and family and friends. I will realize this is the plan for me. The way it is meant to be. I will forever be changed.
I know I will also wonder what if, I will be sad someday and angry other days. But I will carry on, I will be fine.


My Fears

I have many fears..some are fertility related some are just life related. I figure to expunge myself of them I will write them down..So get ready..a list of my fears in no particular order

  • I will not get pregnant
  • I will not get pregnant and never be able to comes to terms with it
  • I will not get pregnant and I will be one of those women is always sad and resents other women's happiness
  • I will never have enough in savings
  • I won't fulfill my dreams
  • those last 15 pounds will haunt me forever
  • I will dye alone
  • I will live a life of unimportance. I will go unnoticed.
  • I will not climb the mountains I want to climb...literally
  • I will hold my husband back from things he wants to do
  • I won't provide my family with the grandchild they so want
  • that I will live my life in fear
So there you go...I realize some of these things are silly fears but most of them are valid and very real to me.

With this list down I will continue to face the world with a brave face and smile.