new in the world

Hello all...well things in my world are going smoothly...School is starting soon so I am going to enjoy my last few days of freedom. I am looking forward to going back..seeing the kids and getting back into a routine.

My world of IVF continues...we are going to wait until February/March for sure and are going to save like crazy people. I am going to get a second job - part/time to help cover off some of the costs. It will make me feel like I am being proactive. I am still trying to lose weight to help me body prepare for pregnancy...I have hit a plateau and am frustrated but plan on persevering, I refuse to let myself stay in this spot or fall back. I must move forward.

As for Bella the hamster, she is good..really good. She is still on her medication and looks like she is feeling pretty good.

That's about it. Later skaters.


monday, monday

Good Morning

Well I am up much earlier than I would like to be on a Monday that is my summer vacation but here I am....had to drive Hubby to the car shop to get the car looked at and then onto his work. I am back at home now but still feeling that groggy sleep feeling that comes from rolling out of bed into your car without washing your face or putting on deodorant.

I have curly hair...so what you think. Well I never had curly hair before! I have always had wavy hair, thick wavy hair but since I began fertility treatments and have had a variety of hormones pushed through my body my hair has sprung out of control!!!! I got a hair cut a few days ago to help tame it and now love it!!!!!!!

Yesterday I also realized how much I love being an aunt. Dealing with infertility has made it difficult in the past. I had trouble getting past the sadness and jealousy that she was not mine...that I did not have a child. Well I still might find myself in that dark place every now and again but I no longer wallow in it. I enjoy my time with my niece and love watching Hubby with her. She is a fab little girl who's giggle will melt your heart. No matter where my path takes me I know I will be a frickin fabulous aunt. That counts for something.


change is in the air....

To begin it is clear the 30 day blog challenge was a fail for me. Although it did serve its purpose at the time...it kept me preoccupied.

Yesterday I turned 33 I had a wonderful birthday, went to Stratford with Hubby saw Evita. I also got my hair done...it was pretty long and needed to be cut so I got about 2/3 inches off some new colour in and I feel great. Overall and fab birthday.

Now for the real news. We went to see our doctor last week to see where we stand after four IUI's with great sperm and eggs. He informed us that we have unexplained infertility...my PCOS is no mild it is non existent. I respond great to meds and get results that most women need much more expensive meds to get. Hubby's sperm look great, wonderful in fact. So the explanation is that there is no real explanation. Unexplained Infertility. Shit.
With that diagnosis on the table Doctor told us that doing more IUI will continue with a negative result and that we should prepare to move onto IVF. YUP!!! The big guns.
We have our meeting with the IVF nurse in September along with a information night. At first we thought we would go right ahead with IVF in October...but then I had a major panic attack and realized I was not ready for the assault on my body that is IVF. PLUS the cost, damn, expensive. So we have made our decision. Take a break, about 6 months. In February/March we will begin the process. This will allow us time to save money and to mentally and physically prepare for what is ahead. I am looking forward to meeting with the nurse to find out all the details to give me lots to research over the next 6 months. I am also looking forward to some time where I can do things for me...to be a little selfish for a little while.

So that is all....who knows where this long road will lead us but I am looking forward to it.


ok..real update

So this past cycle I have not been writing about my fertility treatments...I needed a break from everybody knowing where I was medically.  As I have said before this is an open blog to family and friends as well as all of you so I needed some space.

To start..the result of this cycle was negative. Hearbreakingly negative.

We did IUI again this cycle it was our fourth round, we had five eggs and over one million sperm...good odds :)
No result though. This is so freakin frustrating!!!!! I am starting to get really worried..what happens if this doesn't work, what happens if this really is not in the cards for us!!!! To help calm my worries we are going to see my specialist on Tuesday to see if there is more testing that we can do and what our next steps will be. Change in medication perhaps?? I am not really sure. Hopefully after Tuesday it will be clearer.

It is strange I know I should feel like my heart is ripped out and don't get me wrong I feel pretty crappy but not as horrible as I think others might. I don't know if this is my minds way of protecting its self or perhaps it is my confidence that no matter what..no matter how many times it takes we will have our baby.

It feels good letting you all know where I am with this and to be honest and open as usual. I am taking a break...a real break this cycle. I need space from all the hormones and have roughly 27 days just for me and hubby. 

Who knows...maybe we will rock it naturally!



Before I begin with the 30 day blog post. I want to give an update on Bella...she is well the same. She seems happy she is sleeping a lot but is still loving her snuggles and so we are at a stand still. My goal is to let her live her natural life...I hope we can. Thank you for those who left comments they brought me to tears, literally. The support from this community is amazing.

As for my hobby.

Well I have many hobbies...many things I like to do. So I will choose two.

1. Reading..I LOVE to read...crazy for reading. In fact I am joining a book club this September!!!  So exciting.

2. Scrap booking...love it. Simply love it.

As for fertility. I am doing pretty good...I promise and 'real' update is to come soon...I am still needing some time.....



confusion of an animal lover...

For all of you animal lovers and pet owners out there I think you will understand this post...

As you know my hamster Bella has been quite sick. She has an infection somewhere that they could maybe find through surgery but there is no guarantee...so she is on medicine. One of the things that comes along with this infection is abscesses and an increase in difficulty in her sinuses...so her breathing can be a bit funky. So here is the question every pet owner has to answer. When is it time...when is it time to say goodbye....how do you make that choice for another living being that cannot tell you what they want.
It is hard on me...I am way to empathetic on a good day but this week I have been a wreck, balling at the drop of a hat. I have told hubby the final call will be his. I will not resent him for his choice. Bella seems fine when you look at her besides the big gross scab the last abscess has left on her head but she is really only sleeping now and is not nearly as active. I wonder if she is not in pain do we let her live the natural course of her life, what is left????? I know many of you out there are thinking...goodness it is just a hamster. But hamster or not I love her and she has stolen my heart and I know she will break it when she passes.

Here is hoping to another good few days with my darling girl.


Wedding - talent

My Wedding...well my anniversary is September 13 so this September we will be married for seven years. We have had a wonderful marriage and fall more in love every year. Below is a wedding photo :)

Talent I have...well...I find it difficult to think of  talent that I have so...I will go with the piano. I play the piano and love it. Not the best in the world  but I am good at it. :)


song and art

Ok....so a song that makes me cry.....EASY!!!! Amazing Grace played on the bagpipes...I could be anywhere and hear that and ball!!!!!! It is beautifully haunting....the Scot in me reacts to this song strongly.

As for an art piece....well..I don't really know.I enjoy art, I like to have it in my house but to think of an art piece I love. Well I come up blank. So sadly I don't have anything for this post.

Had a wonderful time with my mom, it was really nice just to spend some time with her. Ate GREAT food and relaxed. Of course the spa was great, mani and pedi, done wonderfully. For those in the GTA area go to Hockley Valley for the food and spa, well worth it.

As for fertility...I am still keeping things to myself right now but I want you to know I am happy with where I am and with this choice for now.

happy Saturday


to dream...

Todays topic of this 30 day blog challange is dream house. What would be my dream house. I actually think I have two.

1. A beautiful farm house built on a hobby farm. This is not about the house but about the farm. The idea of having most of my food come from my own large garden, fruit from my own trees and eggs from my own chickens...well....it would be amazing!!!!! Hubby and I try and eat and live fairly clean lives with our food and the way we run our household...so to live off the land would be beautiful.

On the other hand......

2. A condo or small home in Quebec City...Old Quebec. Surrounding by history, culture and beautiful kind people and immersed in the french language and culture. To never have to drive anywhere. To walk and ride my bike safely down old cobbles streets. This too is a dream....




Ok so today is a Non-Fiction book. Again I have no idea what they are really asking for here so I give you the name of the most recent Non-fiction book I have read.....Women, Food and God. Pretty good....worth a read especially if you have any issues with food.
later skaters.

looking forward to some relaxation...

Today I am leaving for a few days to go to a resort/spa with my Mom. I am SO looking forward to it. I need some time to recharge and unwind. Plus it will be so nice to spend some time with just my Mom.
However leaving means I need to leave my Bella (sick hamster) I know many people out there scoff at the idea of taking a hamster to a vet and giving it medicine. But to me and hubby she is part of our family and we look after family to the best of our ability. She has an infection that wont go away and gets medicine 3 times a day. It is very difficult when something is so small and fragile and you are so helpless to do more. The reality is that we wont have her for much longer. So the goal is to keep her quality of life high and to keep her happy. My hubby will look after her well I will just worry about her.
Off to pack and then off to the be pampered!!


back in action

Alright I am back! I have been away at my parents cottage up north and am feeling really good and relaxed. I am however behind in my blog list so here it goes.

8. Photo that makes me angry or sad - This is Hope she was a wonderful little cat. We lost her recently to Kidney disease. I love her.

9. This is suppose to be a photo I took...I have taken many photos but I think this is a great shot..... It is of a Trillium, Ontario's official flower. You are not allowed to pick this flower. 
10. A photo of me ten years ago. Ok, I couldn't find one of me 10 years ago so I went with the oldest I could find Christmas 2004.              
11. A recent photo of me. this was taken this weekend at the Canadian Whitewater Kayaking Championships.                                                                  
Almost done........

12. Something I am OCD about....well there are actually lots of things. I have an anxiety disorder so that sort of goes hand in hand with OCD behaviours..Most recent though it is making sure my hamster cage is shut proper.

last one.....

13. Fictional book...huh??? I have no idea what that means so...I will go with the last fictional book I read . It is called Frostbitten from the Women of the Otherworld Series. If you love Vampires, Werewolf's and such you must read this series!

Ok...so that looks like it is about it...back on track. Later Skaters.