ok..real update

So this past cycle I have not been writing about my fertility treatments...I needed a break from everybody knowing where I was medically.  As I have said before this is an open blog to family and friends as well as all of you so I needed some space.

To start..the result of this cycle was negative. Hearbreakingly negative.

We did IUI again this cycle it was our fourth round, we had five eggs and over one million sperm...good odds :)
No result though. This is so freakin frustrating!!!!! I am starting to get really worried..what happens if this doesn't work, what happens if this really is not in the cards for us!!!! To help calm my worries we are going to see my specialist on Tuesday to see if there is more testing that we can do and what our next steps will be. Change in medication perhaps?? I am not really sure. Hopefully after Tuesday it will be clearer.

It is strange I know I should feel like my heart is ripped out and don't get me wrong I feel pretty crappy but not as horrible as I think others might. I don't know if this is my minds way of protecting its self or perhaps it is my confidence that no matter what..no matter how many times it takes we will have our baby.

It feels good letting you all know where I am with this and to be honest and open as usual. I am taking a break...a real break this cycle. I need space from all the hormones and have roughly 27 days just for me and hubby. 

Who knows...maybe we will rock it naturally!


  1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts - I share some of your thoughts...I'm trying to figure out what I should do. Like you, we've had 3 failed IUIs and contemplating whether to go ahead with #4, or straight to IVF. There's pros and cons to each, but I am scared that if we are unsuccessful, I'll regret that we didn't just move on to IVF in the first place. I feel very much like you do - frustrated and worried too! I never imaged I would be where I am now. Strangely, the past couple of months I have been on a break and I have come to realize that whatever will happen will and I feel more relaxed about our situation, yet my concern and determination are still in my everyday thoughts. I think all of us who are struggling need to take a mental and physical break at some point.

  2. I'm so sorry you've gone through so much...I hope you can relax this month and who knows....things happen!!!!

  3. Hubby wants me to point out it was one hundred million sperm...opps my bad. ;)

  4. Sending good thoughts your way!

  5. I'm so sorry about this IUI cycle - definitely do more tests!!!

    Funny about the hubby - one million is definitely different than one hundred million! :)

  6. I felt the same way! I had five mature follies, 20 million postwash, and a BFN to show for it. I mean, everything is in our favors, right, so why wouldn't it work? It's so amazingly frustratingly. I totally understand what you're going through and wish you the very best.

  7. I'm new to your blog but and TTC myself with PCOS. I wish you the best of luck in your jouney!!!



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