Oh Anxiety...
For whatever reason things are not great, well not really horrible but I am having a rough go of things with my anxiety.
I went to a really interesting seminar this afternoon regarding mood disorders, ADHD and alike. Since I personally have been dealt a hand of anxiety, ADD and a learning disability it was professionally and personally interesting. So with the information fresh in my head and knowing how I have been struggling I went out and got myself a workbook. A cognitive behavioural work book for anxiety. One of my old therapists use to use pages from the same book so I know I am on the right track.
Since I am basically three months away from the start of my first IVF procedure I am going to work hard to get myself emotionally on track just as much as I am working to get myself physically one track.
I know there is no magic formula and I know these mental health issues are things I will always be working on but I feel better knowing I am taking some control.


the month of May

Hello all

Well the month of May it is...I have been doing a lot of thinking and planning and I have decided that the month of May will be the month we start our first IVF treatment. We have looked at money and feel that we should be in a decent position at that time. My parents are willing to help us out so that does take the pressure off. Really the most important thing is that I feel ready for this. I have moved past the fear and am ready to embrace the adventure. I am seeing my IVF specialist on Wednesday and will set up appt. for pap test, blood work and any other tests that need to be done. I am happy and ready to move forward!


feeling fine

I have been taking action. Do things when I want to do them and making no apologies for it. Going to the gym is the biggest thing for me...going and really beginning to enjoy my time there. I actually asked hubby to not come with me when I went since he goes in the morning too...that way it gives me all the time I need for me. When I am done at the gym I reward myself with a Timmies Tea or a steamed milk, I feel so good about myself. Tonight I had Swiss Chalet, yes with fries and because I have been so active surprise, surprise I am not beating myself up.

So with the days approaching I will continue to feel good and do good for me and everyone else.


To much?

So I am sitting here in my bathtub with my iPhone, strange I don't know do other people do this????
My therapist and I have been talking about being true to me letting go of what I think other peoples desires or expectations if me and be true to myself. Harder said than done....my role with family, friends and work has always been the caregiver the listner the person to take the burden from others. It was pointed out to me that this can a bit of an arrogance thinking I need to take the pain from someone else because they are not equipped to handle it, this us true. Until it was said to me I would not have believed it but now I see it is true. so with this new information one of the things I am focusing on. Is my athentic self who am I when I am not looking after others, what are my needs and wNts. Let me tell u not an easy thing to do after 33 years.... So here I sit in the bathtub thinking about this while testing and surfing Facebook.....perhaps it is time to put technology aside for a bit and really ficus on me..


to much

I feel like I have so much I need to say and want to say and am not able to get it down...I am not sure what to say. I have been working hard with my Osteopath and Naturopath and I am pleased with my personal commitment to them and their procedures. However I have so much junk building its self up in me regarding pregnancy and infertility. I want to say so much but am not ready to write I guess. But I am here. I am present in my life and I am working towards my goal.


its a new year

2011 has arrived and with it is talk of resolutions and goals and dreams for each of us.

This year I have decided to not do resolutions and stick with attainable goals.

I plan on continuing down the path of good health and complete the goals I set out for me. This is important since I often start something and then do not follow through to the end.

Over the next year there are many things I want to do.

Things around the home - paint rooms, buy blinds, get a fence, buy a couch to name a few

Things for the family - get a dog, get pregnant, be happy

Things for me - get outside, exercise, go to osteopathy and naturopath apt., eat well, look after myself and be true to who I am and what I want.

A lot of these things cost money and so one of my greatest goals is to be smart with money.
 To not go beyond my means so that our saving will continue to grow.

 We were doing pretty well having most of our debt paid down and a percent of money in savings. Unfortunately when we lost our pudding we lost our money as well because we did everything we could to save him and make his quality of life as good as possible. This has been the toughest blow for me, I lost my cat, my darling fur baby and lost my house and IVF money. I am starting to move forward from this loss. But it sucks.

So yes being smart with my money is a number one goal.

I hope everyone had a good new years I spent mine at home with hubby not feeling well. But it was such a nice night with just us and pepper the rabbit I did not care that I was sick.