weight gain - boo

Well it is official I have gained nine pounds. NINE!!!!!!! A combination of IVF medications and emotional eating have lead me here.

So, what to do. Well weight watchers has always worked for me. So I have joined up again and I am planning on getting my butt in gear. I feel good about this because right now my body feels like crap. I hate feeling like crap and believe I am worth feeling better about myself.

Wish me luck :)



moving along

Fall has finally arrived here in Ontario and I am happy. It is my favourite season. I love the changing colours, the crisp breeze, I feel rejuvinated during fall like anything is possible.

With this feeling of rejuvination I plan to spend the next six months doing what I want and making no apologies for it. You see I have six months until we try our second IVF, six months until I become pregnant so I plan to live it up!!!!!

I have found some great deals on wag jag and deal find so I am now starting Zumba with my mom and then I am going to be going to pilates as well. I am going to take a pottery workshop and I am going to enjoy some culture with shows, symphonies and trips downtown.

Today my friends I am happy, I am blessed and I am grateful.

(p.s spell check is not working, my apologies)



The fog has lifted

I am feeling much more myself. I feel as if that horrible dark fog that was our negative result has lifted and I am once again finding joy, peace and purpose in my life.

 It is so strange while I was going through IVF I did not realize how much of my life was being eaten up by the process. Small things like getting my hair done, remembering to floss, enjoying an evening with hubby and puppy were lost. Now they are found and I am so happy.

I feel like I can refocus on my job and my life outside of infertility and enjoy. One of the first things on my list is to get back to exercising. I cannot do a lot right now as I have torn cartilage in my right knee and am on a surgery list but I can walk and can lift weights and am going to zumba my butt off.

Hubby and I are planning a trip to Montreal in the next few weeks. It is a chance to get away...just be us. So if any of you have suggestions of things to see or a must do in Montreal let me know.

all for now,




Thank you to everyone who has supported me through these past few days. They have been pretty bad and to be honest I am still not great yet, but I am mending.

I have so many things going through my mind it is crazy, it can be wrapped up into a few words though. Fear, Guilt, Grief.

Hubby has been fabulous helping me work through the emotions. Lets just say a lot of tears have been shed on his shoulder.

We have made a decision that we are going to wait for awhile until we reevaluate our next move. Dr.E agrees that IVF with a short protocol will be best. So when the time comes we at least know what plan we can follow.

So for now I am looking forward to my thanksgiving weekend and planning our trip to Montreal!!!



after shock

Ok...so I am experiencing some after shocks of this negative result.

What if I can never get pregnant. Will I be happy. Will I be able to come to terms with not having a child?? I don't know how my relationship will be affected...will it be fine, grown stronger or become well..a shadow of a marriage.

I don't know if I will be ok being a women who has to answer..no I never had children every time I am asked.

I do know I cannot adopt...it is just not something that is for me.

Is this it?? Me, hubby and our animals????



Test showed a negative result. No pregnancy. Heartbreaking, yes. Surprising, no.

I had a feeling that this was not to be the time the closer I got to the date. In fact I think I would have been more surprised if I had gotten a positive result.

So what now??

We we are going to take a break from treatment. In the mean time there are somethings to keep me busy.

- get back to the gym while I CAN
- My knee needs to be fixed. I have torn cartilage. So I will be getting sugary done on my knee.
- We are going to take a trip, a few days for us to get away and just rejuvenate and have time for us. We are thinking Montreal
- save money for next IVF

So...there we go. Time to move forward.