IVF-13 dpt

Ok, so I am a bad educator. I am sitting here in class and all I can think about is my test tomorrow. I really do enjoy my students but right now their issues and dilemmas seem trivial and I could care less about them.

I am so nervous, so worried. You see I have NEVER had a positive test result blood work or at home test...EVER. In five years of trying NEVER!!!!  So I have this underlying fear that my body cannot get pregnant.

Please oh please let this happen for me. Let this be it for us. Please.

Day 27 - IVF - 11 dpt

Well I am still here.

I am in much less pain which is great...it actually settled down over the weekend. I have 3 more days till my beta test to tell me if we are pregnant or not. Oddly I am not one to test at home, I don't really know why. I just seem to be able to wait until the blood work.

I am feeling ok, tired today and I had a brutal headache, for sure weather related it. It does not know if it is summer or spring here in Southern Ontario. I have officially switched over to progesterone suppositories, yes the one that go up your bum. Gross I know but they don't cause me a major irritation to my lady parts. I have had a teeny tiny bit of spotting...I don't even know if I would call it that but a little bit of old blood mixed with old progesterone. Again, I know sort of gross.

I am so scared of what the outcome of this will be....I so badly want to be pregnant and experience all of the wonderful and horrible things that come with pregnancy and motherhood. But I am terrified that this cycle will not be it. I know I need to stay positive and think good thoughts and such but the fact of the matter is that I am a realist. I know the chances for us this cycle are not great. So I continue to mentally prepare myself for the worst. Knowing we can handle it....but really hoping we wont have to and that we will get to experience joy.

There are a few ladies in the blogger world who have been doing IVF right along with me and they have had positive results. I am so hoping I get to join them in their happiness and celebration.

Day 23 - IVF - 7dpt

I was going to write a post about the ups and downs of the two week wait during IVF but something more pressing needs to be written about..Pain.

I have been having horrible stabbing pain on my right side for the past three days. It can be so bad that it makes me crumple to the ground. This morning I woke up to general cramp pain. Needless to say this pain has brought a lot of fear with it.

The fear is based on two things:

One - That this IVF cycle has not worked and I will be left with a BFN after all of the time, money and energy spent.

Two -  I have horrible cramps, I mean horrible. Like double over throwing up from the pain type of cramps. Typically when I feel cramps coming on I take Annaprox a med from my family Doctor so that I am not stuck with horrific pain. I cannot take these meds right now due to the fact that I could still possibly be pregnant. Meaning I could end up in a great deal of pain and not be able to do much for it. So the fear of pain is quite real for me.

I am suppose to be going to a family reunion for my hubby's family today. It is a two hour drive there and then obviously a two hour ride home. With the cramps coming and going and the stress it has put me under the thought of being two hours away from home is horrible. Thus, I will not being going. I feel bad knowing this is something that is important to him and his family but I just can't do it right now. Hopefully next time his family has a big get together we will be able to go with all of this in the past and with a baby in our arms.

xxoo

Day 18 - IVF - 2dpt

Good Morning,

I have decided to take Monday off of work. I just feel better about having one more day lazing around the house. I am bored but at least I know Eggbert is not being jostled around to much and maybe has a better chance of sticking.

These past few days have been pretty uneventful. A lot of sitting around watching Seinfeld and playing on the computer.

Hubby and I are trying really hard to eat healthy. I decided I might as well start eating as though I have a little being growing in me because it is more than possible!! I have also been eating pineapple, whether or not it is an old wives tale anything that may help with implantation I will do.

I am feeling pretty good physically, the bloating is gone and my energy is good. The only issue I have is the progesterone. I really do think it might be giving me an yeast infection, yuck. Put a call into my clinic today so we will see what they come up with.

I never posted the two pictures from transfer day so I will do that now...Hope everyone is having an enjoyable Monday.

xxoo


-I really had to pee-

-all ready for the transfer-

Day 16-IVF- transfer day

Well the transfer is done. Eggbert is a healthy 10 cell, grade two embryo. The transfer was fairly easy and painless, although I was pretty sure at one point I was going to lose control of my full bladder and pee all over the table.

For those who don't know how an ivf transfer works it is very basic. You arrive with a full bladder so there is a clear shot of the uterus. Then after the cervix is open and cleaned a carher is put in. The lab tech brings the embryos in a needle like contraption. This is inserted into the catheter and once it is in the right position the embryo is released in the uterus. That easy :)

So after the transfer was done and I got to pee. We headed home. I have been lying around all day on a self prescribed bed rest. Tomorrow I will take it easy again. My clinic does not recommend bed rest unless really necessary. So what are your thoughts on bed rest??? Ivfer's out there did u do bed rest???

Day 15 - IVF

Fert report showed eggbert doing well, he is growing. In fact there is a bit of a concern that he is growing to fast, he was at 8 cells this morning which is a bit big. Of course this has me worried...what does that mean?? Is there a higher risk of him not sticking?? If he does stick is there a higher risk something chormonsonally will be wrong? I don't know.

With Eggbert continuing to grow transfer is tomorrow morning at 10:00am and then a few days of bed rest. I am so nervous for so many reasons right now I am having trouble focusing at work and just want tomorrow to come so we can move forward. I feel bad for my students...to be honest I just don't care that much today. I am so wrapped up in my own head that focusing on them is next to impossible.

From a physical aspect I am doing ok, I am bloated but not as bloated so that is good. I have been taking my progesterone but am getting a bit worried....in the past vaginal progesterone has caused yeast infections for me and I think I feel one coming on. I have put a call into the IVF nurse to see what options I have. Hopefully I hear from her fairly soon.

Thats it for now, more as it comes.

xxoo

Day 14-IVF

Not feeling so hot today.

Fert report was not great. Two eggs were immature and not able to fertilize. Two other eggs had not fertilized yet and they were unsure as to whether or not these were also not mature enough...However one did fertilize. So hooray!!!! I am so worried about this little egg. I am praying it multiplys and stays healthy.

I am worried about my report tomorrow morning, what if it is bad news? I am not sure how I will handle it. I will have to work all day. However I remain optimistic that eggbert is strong and will pull through and will be back with me nestling in very soon.

I do have a question for anyone who has done IVF. How did you feel the day after retrieval? I feel like crap, super bloated and sore and no energy...just wondering if it is normal.

xxoo

Day 13 -IVF

Today was retrieval day!!!! It was quite an experience. My Hubby and my Mom were with me. Hubby got to be with me every step of the way.

When we arrived I got changed and was given two ativan to keep my anxiety down, Next came the IV with a salin solution, which was not easy to put in but Nurse T, did a great job.

Next thing I knew my mom had to leave to wait outside, John had finished his sample and was getting his scrubs on and we were off to the OR.

Once in the OR things started to get fuzzy. More meds were given through the IV but I really had no clue as to what was happening, I was in a happy place. Hubby sat right beside me holding me hand telling me what was happening. He was fabulous. He got to see all the follies on the U/S screen and said it was really cool...I am a little jealous about that.

When we were done, procedure only took about 8 minutes and everyone said I did fabulous, I was whisked back to the recovery room where I slept and was given sips of water by John cause I was damn thirsty!!!!

As far a follies go, there were nine and from those nine came five eggs. Hubby said Dr. E was happy with this. So now we will wait for the call tomorrow morning to find out how our eggies are doing. I am so nervous for them. I hope they all fertilize, I want them to do well and grow nice and big a strong so please send out good vibes.

Of course as usual there was a lot of laughter and giggling during the whole morning and of course there are pictures. So here are a few from the Retrieval process.

Day 11 - IVF

What a difference a few days make. Over the past couple of days my body has been working hard. In fact it has been working so hard that I now have 8 follies and we are going ahead with IVF!!!! I just finished my trigger shot which means my retrieval will be Wednesday morning.

I cannot believe that we are finally here. After all of the back and forth my body has pulled through. Thank you so much to everyone who sent out positive vibes and prayers it is truly appreciated.

So tonight I feel good, exhausted and a little overwhelmed but good.

Below are a few pictures of the past few days.

xxoo


-Ok, a terrible picture of me, but this is me with fingers crossed for lots of follies going into the ultrasound-



 -This is Hubby holding up our Clinic's form for retrieval, he is excited-

-This is me with our last bag of meds, it was really sunny-

Day 9-IVF

My frustration is reaching its peak.

The menopur is doing it job, I know have 10 follies in total. That is up from just two in a few days. However as wonderful as that seems there is a catch. A few of my follies are way ahead of all the others. What does this mean? you may ask well it means I am in limbo.

If more than five follies can all be roughly the same good size as of tomorrow then we will go ahead with IVF if that does not happen we convert to an IUI. Since I have done four unsuccessful IUI's before that it does not give me a lot of hope for this cycle.

The good news I can gather from this is that the menopur works and so if we need to do another cycle then we are ahead of the game....

However that does not change my frustration at this point. I have taken a hell of a lot of medicine and spent a hell of a lot of money to do an IUI!! I feel bad for hubby because he really is just on the sidelines for all of this and I cannot imagine how hard that would be. I don't want to cry about this, I don't want to give in to that emotion..but my damn estrogen levels are making is pretty difficult. I just want to make it through to tomorrow and get a final verdict on what will be happening. Then I can digest it and move forward.

xxoo

Day 6 - IVF

Today is a rough day,

I went to my clinic this morning and discovered my body is not moving along the way we would like it to be. I currently have three follicles on the right ovary and none on the left. Dr. E needs to see more growth. I have had my pruegon bumped up to 300 and will be doing menepur as well, at a dosage of 150. Of course Suprefact continues each morning. I will do these meds tonight and tomorrow and go in for ultrasound on Friday to see how much growth has happened.
Dr. E will go ahead with IVF if there is 6 or more follies. If not we will convert to IUI. He told me that a long protocol with Suprefact can sometimes lead to suppression of follies but that can only be discovered through the process....If we do another round of IVF then we will do a short protocol hoping for better results.

So, how do I feel about this. Shitty, crumby, angry, sad, and disappointed along with a variety of other feelings....When you are using your body as a pin cushion you expect it to respond. When it doesn't well...you end up feeling how I feel (see above).

I am really hoping that over the next two days my body kicks into gear and gets some follies going. If any of you IVFers out there have tips pass them along!!!!!

xxoo

day 4-IVF

Three days ago I started Pruegon, I am now doing two shots a day. My Suprefact in the morning and Pruegon in the evening. I feel like a giant pin cushion but all in all it is not that bad. The Pruegon is not terrible, it hurts like a bitch when I first give it to myself but beside that the side effects so far are pretty minimal...I am a bit bitchy but hubby can handle that :)

Today I went for ultrasound and blood work and the nurse is pleased with how things are coming along, I already have two eggs so that is good. She actually gave the day off tomorrow so I don't have to go back until Wednesday which is great because tomorrow is the first day of school!!!!!

I love the first day of school, even though I am now a staff it is such a fun feeling going back. Wearing a new back to school outfit, seeing people you have not seen for months. It is fun. I love to see how the teenagers have changed, what is new in their lives. They bring me a lot of joy and I swear keep my young.

The one thing I do need to comment on with all of these meds is that my hair is still changing colour. Seriously my eye brows are still going blond and now my hair is changing!! What the what!!!!!

So here is a picture of my eye brow, hard to see I know but it use to be brown! I swear!