Hello all. Yes I am frustrated, very frustrated at myself and the world. Lets start with the world.
Ok...when I mean the world I actually mean my book club. I love my book club I do, I love reading and talking about books however what I hate is this. Women talking A LOT about their kids, their kids who are in their 20's!
I know both of these women are divorced and need time to talk and vent and brag but is our book club the appropriate place. NO. Not to me. So basically these women were talking about their children and the inevitable question came up of do I have kids, do I want kids. When I respond that I do want children the response I get is...'no, no you don't' 'They are to much work' ' Don't you like your sleep' and other such horrible statements to say to a infertile woman. I reacted poorly, I must admit that I responded curtly that yes I do want children and that they have no right to say I don't. I realize these women were teasing, I realize they have no idea about my infertility but it hurt and it was rude and it pissed me off. I was so angry I was thinking about dropping out of the book club but later came to my senses. However I will never ever forget how small and inferior and angry those comments made me.
Now on to my personal frustration. Frustration with myself. I know I need to continue to lose weight, I know I need to get to the gym and that these things make me feel good YET I cannot seem to get my ass in gear. I feel like I am stuck, not moving forward and slowly drifting backward. I have a tendency to do well in the beginning of my weight lose and then just lose interest and I will be dammed if I am going to let that happen I just don't know what to do. I know it has to come from within I just wish I could find that part of me again. That passion and energy, to be honest I feel deflated.
So to encourage myself to move towards change I am cutting my hair. I am taking quite a bit off and getting bangs, I am going from long to short and I think it is a good thing. I will post pictures later.
I am also going to the gym today, that is my commitment. Wish me luck.